When we lose someone or something, or something bad happens to us, the loss happens in a singular moment in time in the past. However, the effects of the loss continue to live on through us, in our emotions, thoughts, views, perspectives, bodies, and families. That one moment in time of the loss can affect us for a lifetime.
However, the difficult emotions and thoughts are often felt the hardest in the anniversaries after the loss.
The first birthday without them.
The anniversary of their passing.
The first holiday season without them.
We know the dates, and we know when they’re a month away, a week away, a few days away. It feels like there is a future moment in time that we can’t avoid, when we have to walk over a hotbed of coals. We know they’re coming, and can bring pain, bring up feelings or memories, and bring us back to that original moment in time when the loss occurred.
Just like that past moment in time has come and gone, the future moment in time of a significant date or event will come and go, too. They are impactful and difficult, but we do not need to let our present selves feel the pain that our future selves will endure.
Between the loss and these significant dates, we can practice self care. We can take care of our bodies, our routines, our finances, our family, our diets, etc. When we think of the loss or the future hardships, we can practice staying grounded in the present moment, when we are not walking over the coals, and have more control or willpower to do positive things for ourselves.
Many people find comfort in different things. Some people like to write letters to a deceased loved one, or create a memory area or shrine in their home. Some people get tattoos to commemorate them. Some people start to go for runs to help their pain, and turn into marathoners over time. Some people like to take care of others.
Day-to-day, self care could mean getting enough sleep, eating three meals a day, staying in touch with friends and family, or spending a responsibility-free weekend laying in bed watching movies.
Over time, if we can practice self-care and stay in the present moment, we are not denying or discrediting the loss or the difficult upcoming date. We are practicing self-care to give ourselves the most strength, and the best shot possible, so that our future self will be able to get through the difficult moments.